Intramural Soccer: a Mid-Season Report

            During my time here at McGill I have been part of several intramural sports teams. From volleyball and basketball to floor hockey, soccer and 2v2 soccer, most teams I have been a member of have been moderately successful. We usually manage to win more often than we lose, and every so often we make it to the semi-finals or even the finals. However, one component continues to remain missing from my intramural sports experience: a McGill mug.

            For those of you who are unaware, these glass mugs are awarded each semester to the teams who win their respective intramural divisions. The winning squads also get all of the glory and honour associated with having their pictures taken and displayed prominently near the entrance of the Currie Gym complex. I’ve heard many horror stories of students who have played years of intramural sports at McGill without ever winning this coveted prize. As my undergraduate career progresses, I’m becoming more and more anxious that I too will obtain my diploma without ever having played on a championship team. That’s why this semester I stepped things up a notch in my quest for intramural glory. At the mid-way point of our regular season, my Co-Rec soccer team is undefeated. We currently sit on top of the 19-team league and if things keep going the way they are, my intramural dreams may finally be realized.

            If you happen to share my noble goal of achieving intramural glory, you may find it helpful to check out the following list of tips for maximizing your chances at a championship. For this Winter 2012 season, I have done everything on the list. I am happy to report that these tactics have been working for quite well for my soccer team so far.  

Martlet Girl’s Tips for Intramural Success

1.     Be the captain. Enough with being part of someone else’s team: if you want it done right, do it yourself! As captain you get to handpick your players and create the most skilled line-up possible.

2.     Seek out the best soccer players you do not know personally. It can be helpful to check out the scoring leaders from the previous season, and then facebook stalk them to see if you have any mutual friends. Next, invite one of the mutual friends to be on your team and ask them to bring along the best player they know. Presto, you’ve got yourself a striking machine.

3.     Bribe the best soccer players you do know. A lot of the good players that I am friends with are in high demand in the intramural leagues. So how did I convince them my team is the best? Bribery. Especially for early weekend games, it can help to invite your teammates out for a meal on you after the game. Since everyone loves free food, chances of superstar friends showing up increase exponentially.

4.     Choose an intense team name. This is important, because a great name can psych out opponents before they even hit the field. I recommend adopting the name of a professional team or inventing a name that could very easily belong to a high level soccer club. 

5.     Show up late. Never, under any circumstances, should you show up on time for an intramural game. Get there at least a couple minutes late and definitely do not warm up. This intimidates the other team and throws them off their game. Maybe they even think for a minute that they are going to win by default! They are completely shaken when your full team shows up and the game goes on as planned. Bonus tip: this tactic works better if you score in the first couple minutes of play.

            Although some of these tips may seem extreme, if you are really serious about the McGill mug then you must realize the level of commitment needed to achieve this goal. I will be sure to report back at the end of March with full results from the conclusion of the Chelsea Football Club’s season.

See you in the fieldhouse!

- Martlet Girl